My Son's Birth Story--Part 1


I have decided to write out my baby's birth story because it was a somewhat traumatic event that i have not yet fully processed. I think it's having residual effects on my psychological state and when talking with my supervisor at work, i realized that i need to get it all out, grieve about it, and just sit with the pain that i experienced instead of just pushing it aside. So forgive me if some parts sound like a pity party. The story ends well--i have a beautiful baby boy who is my sun and my moon but in order to put his arrival behind me, i think i must purge it.

May 25th started like any other. However, it had been a tremendously stressful week at work (no, that's not what caused me to go into labor). I was at the grocery store getting myself a sandwich for dinner because my husband was going to have a meeting that evening. I was getting into my car when my man called me and asked me to drive out to his work because he locked his keys in his car. After a brief moment of irritation, i said Ok and headed out to his work, which was about 25 minutes outside of portland. It was a beautiful night. A tiny bit cool but the sun was out. I did my wifely duty of helping my husband and decided to stop at Old Navy and buy a maternity swimsuit, because the summer was starting and i wanted to swim. On my way home, the sun was starting to go down, the sunset was beautiful, and a few blocks from my house, U2 came on the radio--One Tree Hill. The sun roof was down, i was singing badly at the top of my lungs and i remember having one of those moments where you think, "Everything is so perfect right now." You know those snapshots in time that you get when for that moment, life is just GOOD. That was one of my moments.

After my hubby came home, i remembered my sister had sent me a maternity swimsuit but it looked so huge i had put it away. I thought i had better try it on, just in case it fit, as i was getting pretty huge myself. As i was putting it on i felt a leak. Hmmmm, curious. I had leaked a little urine before but this felt a little different, like it came from a different place. I moved again and there was a little more. I started getting a little nervous. I went to the bathroom and recalled that if you can stop the flow with a Kegel, then it's urine and not your water breaking. I thought it stopped with the Kegel. A sigh of relief. Getting ready for bed and there's a little more coming out. Hmmmm, starting to get nervous. I call the advice nurse who tells me to lie on my side for an hour and if, after that, i am still leaking, head to the hospital i had planned to deliver at. I lay down and it had been about 12 minutes when i moved around a little. More came out. Ok, let's go to the hospital. I was agitated. Wearing my favorite yoga pants. I threw on some flip flops, grabbed a book (you never know how long you have to wait in the emergency room) and a towel (i didn't want to mess up my husband's car if things did get worse. I can't believe i was thinking this.) That's all i had with me.

We get in the car and on the drive there, i am trying really hard to relax but my legs are shaking. No more leaking. I start wondering if i am making my husband drive me to the hospital for them to just tell me i lost bladder control. It's about 11pm at night.

My husband pulls up to the hospital and wants to know if he should drop me off. No, i say, i want to stay with you and also, i'm not leaking anymore. I get out of the car and immediately, my water breaks. Gushes down my legs. My foot gets wet in my flip flop. I am walking with the towel between my legs. I can't cry but i'm practically hyperventilating. I am not even 33 weeks along.

The nurses see me and realizing that i am not exaggerating that my water broke. They usher me into a room where they monitor me. Every time i move, i feel more leak out. My baby's protection seeps out of me. It was one of the most discouraging and helpless feelings i have ever had. More fluid just leaving my body and i can't do anything about it. I feel as though i wait for an eternity. The machine tells me that i am having contractions but i can barely feel them. I receive my first IV. My husband and i just look at each other.

Must complete this later because baby is waking from his nap. Part 2 coming later.